metallica lulu


Warner Bros Records

-10 out of 10 (THAT'S A NEGATIVE 10 OUT OF 10!)

When Metallica & Lou Reed performed Sweet Jane at the Rock and Roll Hall Of Fame 25 Year Anniversary show a couple years ago, it was a good rendition of a great song.

Then someone somewhere, smoked a huge vial of expired rancid cow shit, and thought what a great idea it would be to have them collaborate on an entire album together. Now to be fair, the idea isn’t that bad. Who knows how good or bad the final outcome would be? I mean it is the legendary Lou Reed and Mighty Metallica after all? How bad could it be?

Well, you’ve heard the single streaming for sometime, and I swear, I SWEAR, I thought it was a goof! I thought there was no way in hell that THIS was the final product. But alas, I was wrong. It wasn’t a goof, it wasn’t a ploy to throw us all off the scent, this was the final product, they were serious, and this was the roasted dog turd that they were serving up known as Lulu.

Now lest you think I am a Metallica hater, I have always and still do defend St. Anger. There are some great riffs, and songs buried in that album. Yes the production stinks, but go back, and really listen to it. Ok, well listen to the DVD of them playing it all live, it is much better than the CD itself. And listen to the songs again. Buried in the repetitiveness and overkill of each 10 minute song is a great 4 minute song struggling to get out.

That being said, it saddens me to call this album worse than Limp Bizkit’s Gold Cobra. Hell, this is even worse than Stryper’s cover album The Covering and that was a steaming dog turd!!!!

I just reread my review of Stryper and realized that musically (and for song choices they covered) I had them at 4 out of 10 before Michael sang. And that dropped it back to 0.

So in all fairness I should give this ‘Less Than Zero’, as it only garnered one point for some of the underlying riffs that Metallica lays down throughout this horrible horrible album. So, as I said with Stryper’s attempt at recording the worst album of 2011, DO NOT PICK THIS UP. You’ll thank me later.

If you HAVE to listen to it for yourself, you can listen to the entire album streaming here.

But don’t say I didn’t warn you.

My heart hurts. I have to go drown it in some Slayer now thank you.



isabelles gift posession with intent

Possession with Intent

Isabelle’s Gift Label

8 out of 10

South Carolina’s ISABELLE’S GIFT have been described as ’The second most dangerous band in the world’. Their ‘balls out’ raw energy approach to hard rock is very reminiscent of early Guns & Roses. And with their lyrical content wavering between illicit drug use, child molestation, rampant self immolation and desecration, titty bars, cocaine pentagrams, lascivious worship of the female form and orgiastic liquor consumption, it’s really no wonder they wear that tag as a badge of honor.

Their latest album, Possession with Intent, isn’t just another Isabelle’s Gift album; it is a middle finger to the state of rock and roll. It’s a .45 caliber bullet to your temple. It’s everything a good hard rock album should be, and then some.

Upon first listen, as the opening track Million Dollar Joke begins, you may think to yourself, ‘Self, why is Nickelback blaring from my speakers?’ And you wouldn’t be far off. The opening riff could be pulled right off the latest Nickelback disc. And this isn’t a bad thing, as it is a killer riff; it just grabbed me immediately and made me check to make sure I put the right disc in my stereo. Even after the bass and drums kick in, it still doesn’t quite have that IG signature sound to it, until it breaks down, and as Chris Sutton’s voice comes in, you sit back, relax, and begin the descent into monster swinging riffs, and a cavalcade of madness, piss, and vinegar from one of rock’s unheralded best frontmen out there today.

While Million Dollar Joke may be a pleasant ‘slight’ departure for the band, Sonofabitch is 100% born and bred Isabelle’s Gift fare. I hate to say ‘classic guitar sound’ of Kyle and James because most of you have sadly never even heard of IG until right now. But the tone, the riffs, the rawness is all IG and for those of us privileged enough to be in the know for several years, it has become a signature sound.

Sonofabitch and 88 show the anger and venom that boil beneath the surface of the best of Isabelle’s Gift’s music. From the strung out junkie redneck vibe to the white trash romance gone bad, to the simple misunderstood man standing amongst the shit hole that is his life somehow; the music is a bombastic rock and roll soundtrack to the glorious highs and lows of being at times simultaneously high and low.

It seems impossible to do at times, and not many can do it as well as IG, but from one lyrical line to the next they can celebrate the excesses of music and drugs, of tittybar superstars and pill head rockstars, the highest highs that only succeed in bringing on the lowest of the lows. The band doesn’t glorify the lifestyle they may lead and or portray in their music, but it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that there is some sick and twisted shit going on in lead singer Chris Sutton’s head to bring out a song such as Edward 40 Hands or Lazy Suzan.

The nihilistic excesses of rock and roll are alive and well and the band named after a sexually transmitted disease is flying their scars, demons, and drive high, loud, and proud. Nothing exceeds like excess and Isabelle’s Gift is here to prove that creed.

My only complaint is that the second half of the album is/was their last EP. So if you are already following the band, then you are only getting what amounts to two EPs. Bubblegum Diesel (Sunnshine, Kill the Cheerleader, Save the World, and West Virginia) then 4 new songs, (Million Dollar Joke, 88, Sonofabitch, and Haulin’ Oats and Ass) and a reworked Edward 40 Hands off their last full length album American Idol.

Still, all told, the nine songs that make up Possession with Intent are better than almost anything you are listening to right now. And sure as shit it is 100 times better than ‘the most dangerous band in the world’sChinese Democracy.

Yes, while this should really be considered an EP of new music, it will surely be on my top ten list of albums for 2011. Because even 4 new Isabelle's Gift songs are better than no Isabelle’s Gift and because they are better than EVERYTHING you can hear on FM radio today.

Download Possession with Intent on and iTunes today. You’ll thank me later.

For more Isabelle’s Gift click here.