metallica lulu


Warner Bros Records

-10 out of 10 (THAT'S A NEGATIVE 10 OUT OF 10!)

When Metallica & Lou Reed performed Sweet Jane at the Rock and Roll Hall Of Fame 25 Year Anniversary show a couple years ago, it was a good rendition of a great song.

Then someone somewhere, smoked a huge vial of expired rancid cow shit, and thought what a great idea it would be to have them collaborate on an entire album together. Now to be fair, the idea isn’t that bad. Who knows how good or bad the final outcome would be? I mean it is the legendary Lou Reed and Mighty Metallica after all? How bad could it be?

Well, you’ve heard the single streaming for sometime, and I swear, I SWEAR, I thought it was a goof! I thought there was no way in hell that THIS was the final product. But alas, I was wrong. It wasn’t a goof, it wasn’t a ploy to throw us all off the scent, this was the final product, they were serious, and this was the roasted dog turd that they were serving up known as Lulu.

Now lest you think I am a Metallica hater, I have always and still do defend St. Anger. There are some great riffs, and songs buried in that album. Yes the production stinks, but go back, and really listen to it. Ok, well listen to the DVD of them playing it all live, it is much better than the CD itself. And listen to the songs again. Buried in the repetitiveness and overkill of each 10 minute song is a great 4 minute song struggling to get out.

That being said, it saddens me to call this album worse than Limp Bizkit’s Gold Cobra. Hell, this is even worse than Stryper’s cover album The Covering and that was a steaming dog turd!!!!

I just reread my review of Stryper and realized that musically (and for song choices they covered) I had them at 4 out of 10 before Michael sang. And that dropped it back to 0.

So in all fairness I should give this ‘Less Than Zero’, as it only garnered one point for some of the underlying riffs that Metallica lays down throughout this horrible horrible album. So, as I said with Stryper’s attempt at recording the worst album of 2011, DO NOT PICK THIS UP. You’ll thank me later.

If you HAVE to listen to it for yourself, you can listen to the entire album streaming here.

But don’t say I didn’t warn you.

My heart hurts. I have to go drown it in some Slayer now thank you.